Cray Cray in MOCO?

When I moved to the suburbs two years ago I was worried I would leave behind some of the urban crazy I'd come to love.

In my old neighborhood an elderly gentleman used to walk a loop of blocks wearing a rain poncho--usually only in the summer when it was sunny and hot.  He would also give you a big smile and say "glorious morning to you".  I loved running into him because crazy or not, he was sweet.  And, unlike most people in DC, he'd actually acknowledge your presence on the street.

There was also the lady who cursed like a sailor.  Her hangout was in front of the National Cathedral.  Something about the yin and yang of the holy and profane used to always make me smile. 

Well, I shouldn't have feared.  MOCO has as much crazy as anyone else.  Last weekend's story about a landlord, an arborist, and a hapless Homeland Security Agent proved me wrong.  You can read the full story here.  But, let me break it down for you.  

A local landlord with a checkered past wanted to evict an elderly woman and her son from their apartment because they were 2 weeks behind on the rent.

The formal procedure being too too slow for the landlord's tastes, he hired a 'heavy' to forcibly move them out.  A heavy nicknamed Bunny.  A heavy whose day job is as an arborist.  As you can probably guess, Bunny doesn't look very soft and cuddly in his mugshot.

And our hapless Homeland Security agent?  Turns out the landlord shared his plans with our DHS guy in advance.  To his credit, the DHS guy told the landlord his plan was a bad idea, but still drove him to an ATM, presumably to get money to pay the heavy coming over later that night.  And, when the heavy arrived and the crazy began, the DHS guy wasn't exactly quick draw McGraw.  Despite the advance warning and 'screams' from the tenants, our man still couldn't manage to get a picture of the license plate on the getaway car.

Let's hope he's in HR and not in intelligence.

Branding your 'hood--White Flint Edition

According to an article in Monday's Washington Post, White Flint is going to get a new name.  For readers outside the area, White Flint is wedged between Bethesda, a suburb that looks like a city, and Rockville, another suburb that looks like a city.  White Flint is flatter (fewer tall buildings) and less urban (more strip malls and parking lots).  But, it is ready for a make-over.  White Flint's main attraction--a 1980s era mall--was recently torn down, and the county hopes to redevelop the site and surrounding areas for greater density and walkability. 

So far so good.

Except for that 'pesky' name.  Apparently, 'White Flint' doesn't evoke much beyond the mall of the same name they recently tore down.  If the area's going to change, its name needs to capture those changes.  Or so say the developers.      

I get it.  I grew up in a neighborhood called Sherwood Forest and my friends lived in developments called Wildwood and Rainbow Forest.  The goal of the developers who built our neighborhoods was to sell the houses in them, and one way to do that was by giving their wider neighborhoods sylvan, vaguely British sounding names.  I say vaguely because I doubt my neighborhood's developer wanted to encourage any real Robin Hood behavior.  My sister, friends and I were as close to a merry band as it got, and the most we took from our neighbors was a little peace and quiet on Saturday mornings.    

In White Flint's case, the name game has higher stakes.  As one developer explained in the Washington Post article, the area needs a new brand to communicate the urban transformation afoot in the area.  

Poor White Flint.  I can see the session with the life coach/therapist now. 

White Flint:  I tore down my Mall!  I'm really making progress!
Life Coach:  Well, none of that matters until you've got a twitter handle to sell it to the people.
White Flint:  How about '#I Tore down my mall!'
Life Coach:  Too negative.  We need something that evokes who you are.
White Flint:  But, I'm White Flint.  Didn't you see my insurance card?
Life Coach:  It isn't about you, its about who people think you are.
White Flint:  I'm White Flint, dammit!
Life Coach:  We're going to have to start meeting twice a week. 

Developers are currently bandying about several possible names, including Pike Corridor, Pike District, Market District, and Slate District. 

Perhaps sensing a lack of inspiration, the County also has a website where you can offer your own new name. 

Here are my suggestions: 

1.  It's always Marsha Marsha Marsha!

2.  Say my name *#%$!

3.  NO, I am NOT trying too hard.

On second thought, how about White Flint?!

 

Renting in the District, Gangnam Style

I feel sorry for Emmy, a British Bulldog profiled in a Washington Post article yesterday about the competition for renters among DC's new luxury apartment complexes.  

Emmy's job is to bounce between the apartments of millennials who want a bit of fur to pat after a hard day.  That's right, tenants "will be able to pick her up in the lobby, take her upstairs to their apartment or for a walk, and return her as they would a library book, a DVD or bowling shoes."

Emmy's place of bondageemployment is 2M, a new apartment complex developed by the William C. Smith & C0.

Yup, this is what luxury looks like when its marketed to millennials.  Age-appropriate symbols of luxury.  Your kitchen will have granite counter-tops and stainless steel appliances.  You'll have cupcakes delivered on your birthday (from Georgetown Cupcakes of course because you could also end up on TV).  And, the concierge will drop off your dry-cleaning while you're out hustling for a date with your wing-lady Emmy in tow.      

Emmy's just the latest feature designed to make an apartment building--in this case 2M--stand out in the sea of granite counter-tops, rooftop decks, and cupcakes that has become the new DC.

What does all of this say about the DMV as a whole?

First, the District is becoming an attractive place for the wealthy to live.  This wasn't the case even 15 years ago.  1-bedroom apartments at one of the new luxury properties profiled in the Post article, for example, ranged from "$1,786 to $2,347."  The range was even higher for 2-bedroom apartments--"$2,315 to $3,145."  That's right, some people are paying more than 3k a month for a two bedroom apartment. 

But, poor and working class people haven't gone away--someone still has to work those minimum wage jobs.  In fact, it's an open question whether the region is actually getting wealthier or whether the city is simply catering to the wealthy at the expense of everyone else.  And, this brings us to our second trend.  As the city gentrifies, working class and low income people who used to be able to afford to live in the city are now heading to the 'burbs.

Of course anyone who's tried to buy or rent in the close-in suburbs knows that rents aren't much of a bargain there either.  So, poor and working class people frequently settle outside the beltway, or even further afield, in the exurbs (think Gaithersburg in MOCO).

A new distribution of wealth and poverty is emerging in the DMV.  We'll keep tracking it here, and hoping Emmy finds a real owner.