Ten Signs the Pope is Coming to Town

Ten Signs the Pope is coming to the DMV:

1. Fox 5 News has started playing religious sounding music before segments about the Pope's visit.
2. News coverage about the Pope is focused on the traffic nightmares his visit will cause.   
3. DC motorcades will finally get some style (the Popemobile is neat-o mosquito.  The black SUV not so much).   
4. Federal workers get a day off to 'work' from home
5. No one who lives here will actually get to see the Pope.
6. Republican hardliners in Congress can't believe the Holy Father is gonna bust in on their media time right before a potential government shutdown.  Doesn't the Pope know Obama is a 'Kenyan Muslim Saul Alinksy-lovin' terrorist?'
7. People are placing bets on who will get a stern talking-to in a Pope speech, but the odds in Vegas are all over the map.  There are a LOT of people here who need a stern talking-to.  
8. All ten of the city's fashionistas are breathing easy.  It was hard to compete with the last Pope's bling.  The new guy's a piece of cake.     
9. The National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception is all like "The National Cathedral who?"
10. Everyone wants to know what's going to happen to the guy who's been protesting the church's handling of child sexual abuse at the corner of 34th and Massachusetts for over a decade.