Cyclists On My Nerves

I'm coming out of the confession closet today.  Bicyclists get on my nerves. 

What spurs my confession?  Well, it started as many of my posts do, with a Washington Post article.  This one was by John Kelly, a metro columnist.  He wrote to complain about cyclists in downtown DC riding on the sidewalks.  Being John Kelly, he was polite about it.  He wanted to know to know why cyclists are still using sidewalks after the recent construction of hundreds of miles of new bike lanes in the city.  Then, he made a reasonable request that bikers get off the sidewalks (reminding them along the way that biking on the sidewalk is illegal in downtown DC) and start behaving more politely to pedestrians.

Then, lo and behold, Courtland Milloy, the Post's den father/resident curmudgeon weighed in with his own thoughts on the city's cyclists this morning.  He wasn't as polite.  He called the city's cyclists bullies, and returned to a long-running theme of his--that bike lanes are for gentrifiers and there are far better ways for the city to spend its money than helping mostly white millennials get around the city.

I hate to pile on.  I really do.  Well, maybe I enjoy it a bit.  After the US lost to Belgium in the World Cup, I've had trouble showin' the love. But, bikers do annoy me for two reasons. 


Problem 1: The Biker 'tude.  Milloy is right--the city's (and I would add the DMV's) cyclists have as much attitude as an LA biker gang.  For me, though, the metaphor is wrong.  LA biker throw their bellies and beer swilling habits around as a way to show just how 'bad boy' they really are.  In contrast, many (but not all) of the city's cyclists think they are doing God's work.  They are saving the environment and avoiding America's obesity habit.  I'm not a fan of evangelism of any sort, so even if their version of 'God's work' is good, I'll find it annoying because they feel the need to tell me all about it.  And, hey, a Reese Cups feel like God's own manna on the way to my stomach, so there.

By the way, think I'm engaging in hyperbole?  Dan Malouf over at Greater Greater Washington recently argued that bike lanes are good not just for the safety they provide for (bikers and motorists) but also for the political point they make:  "They proclaim loudly and clearly that streets are not merely sewers for car traffic, but fully multimodal public spaces."  Yeah, that's right.  If there aren't bikes on the road, they're poo filled pathways for the unwashed masses also known as motorists.  Moderation, meet Mr. Malouf.  He could use a new friend.   


Problem 2:  Uptown bikers WON'T get on the sidewalk.  That's right, they abide by the law when they are uptown even if it means going 15 miles an hour on a busy street with a speed limit of 35mph at rush hour, in the direction of rush hour traffic.  By the way, sidewalks are a different beast uptown.  With a few exceptions, they are largely empty of pedestrians, so hopping on the sidewalk at rush hour wouldn't jeopardize pedestrians.  Seriously, why is it OK to mess up traffic flow for dozens of people at rush hour?  Their behavior also means I have to do more start/stop to get home.  Yup, worse gas mileage and more emissions all courtesy of my green fellow travelers.   

And, before anyone pipes in that I should 'try it' before making a fuss, I'll just remind folks that not everyone can bike to work.  Some live too far from work.  Others have health problems that make biking out of the question.  Other people need to be able to pick up their kids from far flung daycares, and can't fit a 3 hour commute both ways into the work/family mix.

Let me be clear though--I'm not an obese, bicycle-hatin', gas guzzling driver.  I walk along the Sligo Creek trail 2 or 3 times a week and the cyclists there are mostly model citizens.  They ring their bells when coming up behind me and other pedestrians or they say things like "on your left" so we know to move right.  Maybe because they aren't trying to prove a point, the trail's bikers are more polite.  I'll happily share the road/trail with these guys!